Thursday, 22 November 2018

Happy Thanksgiving! I like me...

Hi all, 

Happy Thanksgiving to all our friends that are celebrating! 

Below is a selection of edited excerpts from the book - just as a wee teaser.   A big thank you to Joe Shooman, Rhys Perry and David Morgan for all their help!

Sending you all lots of love as always, 
Tracey xx

PS I know what I'll be watching this evening 

I like me…

“A stranger is just a friend I haven’t met yet” - Will Rogers

Planes, Trains and Automobiles writer John Hughes had such a knack for creating scripts that would reach into your soul, it’s like he had a pair of x ray specs that could see what made people tick, every nuance, he could just get into people’s heads and hearts. He then took those scripts and matched them with the perfect cast, who, he would then encourage to make the script their own. Candy always found that fascinating, the scripts were tight enough in his eyes, but the true glimmers of humanity - the bits that made the whole film truly believable, were the improv moments that caught everyone off guard, including the improviser.

I learnt something recently, in fact my counsellor, Michael pointed it out to me. The friendliest, smiliest, most tolerant people - the ones that laugh and joke and are constantly looking on the brightside, are masking deep pain, they have been to hell and back. One of the most complex and sweet characters John ever played was Del Griffith, to anyone who met Del briefly he was a happy go lucky salesman, overly chatty, generous and a little annoying.

“The last thing I want to be remembered as is an annoying blabbermouth... You know, nothing grinds my gears worse than some chowderhead that doesn't know when to keep his big trap shut…” - Del Griffiths

If you can find the original Planes, Trains and Automobiles script (and it is out there in the ether), you can see how the characters are portrayed exactly as Hughes wanted, but both actors (Martin and Candy) added a little something of themselves too. Hughes always encouraged his actors to improvise, in fact they would finish the scene and not hear the words ‘cut’ so they knew they had to keep going. [...] Hughes had so much footage that the initial cut was four and a half hours long, I would have so loved to have seen that, a lot of comedy gold must have ended up on the cutting room floor. You can actually find one deleted scene on YouTube where Del and Neal are eating their in-flight dinners, it’s hilarious, I have no idea why it was left out.

Candy really found his acting chops in this film, it’s up there with some of his finest work and he never fails to make me laugh and cry, no matter how many times I have watched his performance.

Del’s s speech after Neal has laid into him at the hotel room was just magnificent, the hurt in Candy’s eyes, the way he delivered his lines, “You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better…” was worthy of an Oscar. If you aren’t already completely in love with Candy, it’s moments like this that make you fall for him.


The Great Lost Short

From all the extra footage Hughes filmed, a 10 minute short was also created, from the ‘Doobie’s Taxiola’ scene. Larry Hankin who played Doobie, told me;

“I revered John (Hughes), I was very happy to work with him, he made great movies and this guy knew ‘funny’. He was watching me and John (Candy) hang out and riff, so John Hughes set aside a whole afternoon of me, John and Steve Martin to work in the cab. The cab was set up on rockers in a garage, we weren’t really driving around. When we shot the scene in the cab, the actual scene you saw in the movie took an hour to shoot. But then he sent everybody home expect a very small crew, the cinematographer, the sound guy, him, Steve Martin, me and John.

“So for the rest of the afternoon we improvised in that cab for hours. It was really great because John and I were (from) Second City, so we were great at improvising, we were just playing together. We must have improvised for three hours just inside that cab. He (Hughes) was watching on the screen and he would come down and would just watch all three of us improvise and he would sit on this orange crate outside the cab, and he would say ‘remember Steve when you said that? and Larry, you said that, and John you answer…’, I was like this guy is incredible he has a photographic memory. So that was just really cool, I got to riff with two of the heaviest guys in comedy, for hours! None of that stuff ever appeared in the movie. “


Scenes from Marines

The wonderful “those aren’t pillows scene” in the motel room was not in the original script, Candy had a similar experience with Jonathan O'Mara when they went to Buffalo as teenagers for John to apply for the Marines, O’Mara said it was so close to their experience “John must have influenced the scene”. John remembered in interviews that this scene took forever to film, Hughes would say things like “just kiss his ear”, by the time the two leads had stopped corpsing the camera would then start to shake, it took an eternity for everyone to get through it.

Another great scene was between Martin, Candy and Martin Ferrero who played the motel clerk at the El Rancho Motel, ... Ferrero was only on set for a day to film that scene and told me about meeting Candy;

“When I went on set that day, John was chatting with all the crew and he was on set practically all the time, talking to people and being very outgoing. He welcomed me in, he said ‘I know we are working together’. Steve Martin wasn’t on set a lot, he would do his part and then go back to his trailer.

“When I saw Steve and John work that day I noticed there was no improv at all, they didn’t improvise, they stayed on the script and I asked him about it, John said “No we don’t do a lot of improv because John Hughes has written a script that is pretty tight and there is a rhythm to what he has written, if you were to begin to improvise you might waste a lot of time, it might be funny but you might be upsetting the rhythm, it’s a heartfelt important movie and you need to stay on course.”

(NB from author. It always makes me chuckle that the two leads were trying to speed the process up half way through, they were so behind schedule I suspect they were trying to keep their director on track).

This is a selection of edited excerpts from the forthcoming biography, Searching for Candy by Tracey J. Morgan.

Wednesday, 31 October 2018

Happy Birthday John - Big Bear Chase Me

Hey Everyone! 

So today would have been John's 68th birthday! To commemorate and celebrate I thought I would release an edited excerpt from the book. The book is coming along slowly but surely (as usual) and I am very lucky to be working with a great team around me. 

I appreciate all your patience so I thought you might like a wee snap shot of what's to come. 

Happy Halloween to you all, and of course, a very Happy Birthday John - I am thinking of you today Mr Candy and I'll be raising a glass! 

Lots of love to you all,
Tracey xx

PS How ace is this Uncle Buck print from Lamplight Design? It will be going on my wall as soon as I find the right frame. Go and check out their work here

Big Bear Chase Me

Imagine being chased. 

Now imagine you are being chased through a wood. 

It is raining heavily and you are trying to navigate your way through trees, over roots, through the terrain debris littered on the floor. 

Imagine that the thing that is chasing you weighs over 800 pounds, has four legs, claws like razors, and a guttural roar that makes the ground beneath your feet shudder. 

Your heart is pounding, it’s leaping out of your chest and you can hear it thumping in your head. 

You slip a little. 

Looking over your shoulder you can see the beast advancing. Your brow covered with sweat. You are literally running for your life. 

Anyone who put themselves in this situation on purpose would - have to be a little crazy, or very dedicated to their art. 

That’s exactly what John did, in one of the most memorable scenes in The Great Outdoors, and he was terrified. 

Go south west of Yosemite National Park, California and it won’t be long before you hit Bass Lake Lodge, a 1940s resort that was the location for another John Candy and John Hughes classic, The Great Outdoors filmed in 1987.

Director, Howard Deutch had not met John prior to The Great Outdoors, which was originally going to be called ‘Big Country’. Hughes had convinced Deutch that he should direct the film. John was excited to play the part of Chester ‘Chet’ Ripley, a sweet family man wanting to take his wife and kids on a holiday that would get them back to nature. After reading the script John was convinced his character should have a beard covering his face, after Deutch discussed this with Universal, the feedback was “he can’t have that beard, you can’t see his face!” Hughes advised Deutch he would have to be the one to tell John the bad news, Deutch remembers “Candy was really upset about it, ‘This is my character and now this movie will always be a black spot on my soul’. He was pissed. We got off to a very rocky start because he was unhappy. However he never ever leaked that into his work, he never had an attitude, he was a fantastic person and one of my favourite people I have ever worked with. He was just an amazingly sweet man, the funniest, you can just imagine, but generous, generous, generous and always very giving to the other actors and me and everyone, but he was upset about the beard!”

The holiday for the Ripley’s, although maybe a little more rustic than they remembered (Chet and Connie went there for their honeymoon), was going ok until out of the blue Connie’s sister turns up with her arrogant investor husband and twin girls. So John is reunited with his old pal and Second City Alumni, Dan Aykroyd who plays his brother in law, Roman Craig. Aykroyd really pushed to get the part and Hughes was thrilled he wanted to be involved. According to Deutch, Candy, Hughes and Aykroyd were all very similar “Candy was from Canada and John (Hughes) from Chicago but they were definitely kindred spirits and they both had this sense of blue collared glory to them, they adored Aykroyd – he wanted to be a cop. They were their sort of people, they enjoyed smoking cigarettes and hanging out, it was everything to them, that is what they loved.”

Dan and John (Candy) got on so well, they adored each other, you would think with their improv background they may have continually gone off script, however according to Deutch they were very professional and stuck to script as much as possible. In fact Aykroyd even helped with some of the rewrites for the third act which “needed some work”.

Back to the film: For Chet this is his worst nightmare, he wanted a quiet family holiday which has now been gatecrashed by his arrogant and materialistic in-laws. Many hijinks ensue along the way; Chet accidently being dragged around the lake on water skis (he didn’t even want to water ski, he wanted to rent a pontoon boat only to be berated by Roman), late night stories of a bald headed bear (bald headed as Chet had come face to face with it on a previous visit, taken a shot and blown the hair off its head), an extremely persistent bat, pesky raccoons that seemed to torment Chet and a host of crazy characters including ‘Lightning Rod Reg’ - a man that had been struck by lightning 66 times in the head! Not to mention conquering the old 96er, ‘a 96 prime aged beef steak’ that if ordered and consumed in its entirety (including the gristle and fat), the restaurant would grant your whole party a free bill.

As the story unfolds it turns out Roman made a bad investment, is totally broke and was hoping to hit Chet up for some money. The brother in laws never really got on; however on a stormy night when the twins go missing, the two are brought together through adversity.

The twins fall down a mineshaft and can’t get out, Chet and Roman discover them, Chet encourages Roman to go down the hole to comfort his girls, whilst he goes to get some rope. Meanwhile, Roman finds out there is dynamite in the hole and manages to get the two girls out. Unbeknownst to Chet, he goes back, throws down the rope and much to his surprise helps the bald headed bear out of the shaft, only to be chased through the woods by the angry beast. 

The bear was played by ‘Bart the Bear’ and John was petrified of him, however as Deutch explained to me they needed to work together, “There was one time when I had to do a shot where there was a bear in the shot (the “big bear chase me” scene lead up) and he (John), was afraid of the bears, but I had to get a shot of them both. I told him we need to do it but it will only take thirty seconds, he did it but he was mad at me. There was no CGI in those days, he had to do it for real.” I bet John had never run so fast in his life! Of course Bart the Bear was well trained. Doug and Lynne Seus, who have worked as animal trainers in Hollywood for years, rescued Bart and his sister after their mother was killed. They said, “John was so very kind to us, the lowly bear trainers in the ‘prop department’. We can't say enough good words about him. A beautiful human being.” That was typical of John, everyone on set loved him, he gave everyone the same amount of respect and love, he was always such a sweet Canadian boy at heart. 

According to Deutch, it was obvious at times that John had some demons, although it never, ever affected his work, even if he had been up all night he would turn up on set with no sleep and work as hard as ever. “He ate, he drank, he would come back having not slept sometimes and that was not a secret. When my kids came to visit me once he said to them ‘whatever you want, come look in my fridge’, he took them on to his trailer and he had like five lunches in there. But the thing is he never showed those demons, he was private about it, he never ever lost his temper, never ever was a diva – never! I don’t care if he had been up for a week he would always be professional.”

This is an edited excerpt from the forthcoming biography, Searching for Candy by Tracey J. Morgan.

Wednesday, 21 February 2018

Nearly there!

Hey everyone

Well, guess what? I am nearly there with the book, like seriously! I know, I wasn't sure I would get there in the end either. I have a great editor on board, Joe Shooman (go check out his work) and some great proof readers. I am on deadline at the moment and I'm going to Toronto in April to see first hand some of the places John would have hung out and get some pictures for the book! I am so excited about that I can't tell you! I'm planning to do some vlogs from Toronto too - so keep your peepers peeled for those.

Still work to do though, hence the short blog post, but thought I would let you know where I was up to.

I recently commissioned Craig McKay to do this amazing sketch of John for the book (top left), you can check out his work here.

I also commissioned my friend, who goes under the name of Odandiee, to do an illustration of myself and John, purely because I hate all pictures of myself and I needed one for the author section of the book. Along with Gary's (Horse) artwork for the cover I am thrilled with how it's going to look, I'm so lucky to know such talented people. I am also seriously lucky to have been given permission for several photos for the book from some of John's friends and colleagues, I just hope I don't let everyone down with the writing!

Thanks for all your support and patience, let's keep on keeping on,

Tracey xxxx

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Happy Birthday Mr Candy

Dear John

Well another year has passed and you are still as missed and remembered as ever. I've lit a candle for you today and I will be raising a glass later.

There are so many awesome John Candy tributes on social media today, it always warms my cockles to see just how much you are celebrated and honored.

John, you should have been 67, instead you are 43 always.

Love to you and thanks for everything,

Tracey xx

PS I usually do an update around now for those waiting on the book, it usually says it's coming along great but slow etc, I have decided not to do that this year, instead I'm just getting on with it (stop talking about it and get the book finished I hear you shout!). So sorry for the delay guys, I had another major surgery in August and chronic illness is slowing me as always. But in the words of the late Tom Petty, I won't back down x

Sunday, 10 September 2017

Cool Runnings Isn't a Racist Film - an open letter to Gary at the Wales Arts Review.

So before I get into this, it's probably best to let you have a look at an article, writer, Gary Raymond, posted last week for the Wales Arts Review, Some Notes On Blackface

Many of my friends from around the world will not of heard this story, however if you are in the UK you may have seen the local press coverage. It's kind of ironic that the classic 90's film was originally written under the working title of 'Blue Maaga' - meaning 'serious trouble' in Jamaican. As the UK Bank Holiday just passed, four Cool Runnings fans wanting to pay tribute to their favorite film, on a carnival float in Aberaeron, Wales, have found themselves in exactly that, blue maaga! Dressing up in the famous green, black and yellow colors of the Jamaican flag, they have managed to cause controversy by wearing make up to make themselves appear black. Some have instantly hailed the imitators as racist and as a result they are possibly facing criminal charges.

Gary is right, 'black face' is not acceptable. Since realising this the four fans have apologised to the original Jamaican bobsleigh team and also made a donation to their team funds.

It's good that issues like this are talked about, I think these guys hadn't realized the enormity of their actions and certainly hadn't meant to offend anyone. I was interested in what Rawle D Lewis who played Junior in Cool Runnings thought about this story;

Lewis said "This is unfortunate. I don't think these guys had any malicious intentions. This was probably a childhood movie they grew up watching. They simply wanted to portray characters they idolized growing up. Unfortunately black face conjures up a horrific and painful time in history for people of color. I truly don't believe that their display was one of mockery. The black face thing just triggers a lot of people in a negative way. It's a lot like hanging a Buddhist swastika from the rear view mirror of your car. People tend to think Nazi not Buddhism".

Lewis added "The only crime is that none of these fools look convincingly black or Jamaican!".

So hopefully some of us have learnt a lesson, 'black face' is not OK, people still make mistakes, it's good to educate not vilify.

But Gary doesn't leave his article there... he goes on to say that Cool Runnings is actually a racist film. I'm sorry what?

"But let’s just get something out in the open. Cool Runnings is a racist movie. The racist blackface carnival float was paying tribute to a racist movie. If ever you are having trouble figuring out where you stand on the Aberaeron controversy, run that sentence through your mind. If you still don’t think there was anything wrong with it, you’re a racist."

Erm no Gary, Cool Runnings isn't a racist movie and I'm not a racist for thinking that. 

"A group of friends, portrayed as black stereotypes throughout, each of them parochial, idiotic, lazy, sexually animalistic, products of an endemic island drug-culture, are catapulted to Olympic glorious failure by washed-up white guy John Candy. As a comedy the movie does not miss an opportunity to deal out gags based on the racial stereotypes that have been pushed around the world for centuries by… wait for it… Blackface."

Change 'parochial, idiotic, lazy, sexually animalistic, products of an endemic island drug culture' to four guys with a range of backgrounds, all tenacious enough to train and enter for a Winter Olympic sport when they come from a small Caribbean island that never sees snow (that's the joke and also the brilliance). Derice is hardworking and respectful, Sanka fun and dedicated, Junior is sweet from a privileged background, Yuul is hard and focused. No one takes drugs in the film, there are no drug references what-so-ever. Likewise they do not come over as sexually animalistic. It's Disney film!

"The real question here is: why is it a comedy? Think of all the great sporting biopics and then pick out the comedies. I can’t think of one." 

Well originally Gary, it was going to be a serious film, it was floating round for years before it was taken up by Disney. But whilst we are talking of great sporting biopics that is a comedy - here is one, 'Eddie the Eagle'. I think we both know that Cool Runnings was only very loosely based on the original Jamacian bobsleigh team and the rest was Disney-fied.

"It is a comedy because those who conceived the movie thought the idea was primarily funny, and not a true story about achievement in the face of overwhelming odds."

Erm, well it might only be loosely based on a true story and a comedy, but I do believe it is totally about achievement in the face of overwhelming odds.

"By the end the audience is asked to believe that not only was the real life team a group of imbeciles who needed an alcoholic white guy to whip them into shape – to discipline them in both body and mind – but that there was some kind of glory in earning the begrudging respect of the Arian teams who convincingly beat them in competition. Hollywood it seems can rewrite as much history as it likes, but they couldn’t bring themselves to have the black guys win a medal. By the end of the movie the victory is in winning the respect of white people, not in having won anything else."

Woah, woah, woah sweet child of mine. Hang on a minute. These guys aren't portrayed as imbeciles and John Candy's character is not an alcoholic.  Do you know why John wanted to do Cool Runnings? Because he watched the original bobsleigh team in the Winter Olympics at Calgary and he thought their story was so amazing and inspirational that he wanted to be part of it. He took a pay cut. What pisses me off is that the writers have tried to justify in the story why John is the coach and why he was bigger than he used to be. Does it really matter? And being loosely based on the original story, they don't win a medal but they do impress everyone. In fact some of the crash footage in the film, is actual crash footage of the original bobsleigh team.

"But this is largely beside the point, as the movie is not really about the bobsled team at all. It is about the white guy. John Candy’s alcoholic wash up is the character who finds redemption, and who has the real glory in achieving his dream of gaining notoriety off the back of him civilising the savages. He also gains the respect of the Arians he is competing with, which is all he was really after. At the beginning of the film, you see, Candy’s character is so low he is essentially no better than a Jamaican. The film is about how he picks himself up in order to reinstate himself into white society. In terms of success off the hard work of black people, it’s up there with Mick Jagger’s prancing."

Am I on glue? OK this is a film about underdogs overcoming the odds, but John Candy is a bona fide movie star, he could have had a bigger presence in this film if he had wanted it but they kept the focus on the team because that is what the film was about. John Candy was a supporting role and he played a blinder, he enhanced the film, added to the relationship of the main characters all without dominating the movie. In the film the bobsled team convinced Irv (John's character) to help them, he really didn't want to, with the Disney story line, the team saved him, he helped them, it was a team effort. Where has this idea that Irv Blitzer is an alcoholic come from? Because in John's opening scene he is listening to the horse racing in a bar? Was he permanently drunk throughout the movie? Was he hiding bottles of spirits in cupboards, his coat, the bobsleigh - have I missed something here?

"I have always had a soft spot for Cool Runnings. As a twelve year old, my sister took me to the cinema to see it. I associate that film with that fond memory. I laughed. I laughed at it again the numerous times I saw it on television in subsequent years. And then one day, with the benefits of an education and what I like to think of as a critical mind, I saw the film for what it was. Does that mean when I was a child I was a racist? Well, it does, I’m afraid, albeit I could probably plead that I was both too young to have yet been educated about these things, and that I was an innocent member of a society that did and still does nurture racist attitudes. I grew up, read books, listened to brilliant people. I now recognise racism because I am less ignorant than I was when I was twelve."

Oh Gary, maybe I am ignorant? But honestly I think you've got it all wrong in terms of the film, did you watch it again before writing this article? Because I have it on in the background right now as I was worried I had missed something (and I must have watched this movie before like 40-50 times). The lead characters had to overcome adversity and animosity from their competitors. To me this story breaks down boundaries and is always a true inspiration, when I feel like I can't achieve something I watch this film and it makes me believe again, and before you start, that isn't because I think I am better than the lead characters, it's because I feel empowered by them.

I'm really interested in hearing everyone's view on this,

Peace be the journey x

PS for anyone presently effected by the hurricanes, my heart and thoughts go out to you, be safe x

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

When Someone Great Is Gone...

It doesn't matter who I've interviewed for the book, everyone told me how devastated they were when they heard the news their friend, John Candy, had passed away in 1994. Whether it was someone who had worked with John for a few months, an old teacher, or a lifelong friend, everyone was in shock and in incredible pain from the loss. You may wonder how someone who knew him a matter of weeks or months could be so upset, well some people just have that effect on others, love never really dies so if you love and care for them from day one, then you can hurt.

The last couple of months I haven't been able to work on the book that much, it has been a traumatic time and I haven't been able to get my head in the right place. I won't go into everything but one thing I will tell you about is my dear friend Jon Hall.

I first met Jon around 15 years ago, I  loved him from the moment I met him and whilst I was living in Liverpool he became one of my closest confidants. I worked with Jon over the years, sometimes he was mad at me, but he always loved me. He was my Liverpool safety net, if anything went wrong I knew I could always count on him. Jon loved music, people and entertaining, he was sensitive, got hurt a lot, always gave his friends a job if he could and was just the sweetest man you could meet, a lot like Mr Candy. Unfortunately just like Candy, Jon's heart wasn't great, we just didn't know it. Two months ago my friend went to bed and didn't get up.

My heart was literally in pieces when I was told the news, I didn't sleep for 48 hours. I was filled with confusion, hurt, regret, disbelief. My regret came from leaving Liverpool a few years ago, and although we had kept in touch I hadn't been back to see Jon yet, now it was too late and that killed me. I didn't understand how someone so full of life could be gone, just like that, it didn't seem possible. I have experienced a lot of loss in my time, but everyone I have lost has been old or terminally ill, there was a period of knowing what was coming, but with this, with Jon, I was completely side swiped, he was 39 years old for god's sake.

When I interviewed Dave Thomas about John Candy, he told me how Candy had lived the life of an 80 year old, he had packed that much in. Looking back the life of my friend Jon had been the same, he had traveled all over the world doing the work that he loved so much, he loved a lot, he fitted a lot in to his life, made his mark on he world and that is the only saving grace in all this.

When I first told Jon about writing the Candy book he was full of enthusiasm, he said I should make a documentary, he got so excited for me and his passion was infectious, as my friend Joe Shooman said, Jon's most used words were "why not?".

So I actually lost my very own John Candy, his name was Jon Hall and he was just superb.

I guess the point of this blog post is for me to address all of those people I have interviewed, I always sympthaised when you told me about the pain, I even cried along with some of you, but now I fully understand and I am so sorry.

To everyone else, please go and take the risks, see your friends (you never know when the last time will be), love as much as you possibly can and say "why not?", anything is possible if you want it to be.

John please look after my Jon, I have no doubt he will be back in someway shape or form to kick my ass, so I best get on with finishing the book.

Last week we also lost our funny and beautiful cat Florence, she loved to help me write (well sit on my lap and distract me), we miss her the world over, but again our life was richer for her being in it.

Sending love to you all and hope you are well,

Tracey x

When Someone Great is Gone - LCD Soundsystem

Sunday, 30 April 2017

Something else me and John have in common...

Rejection. John hated it, I hate it.

Lorne Michaels of Saturday Night Live once went to see John, Dave Thomas and a couple of the other Second City troupe members perform live, basically to suss them out for SNL. John had hoped Michaels would like their show but for whatever reason that night, probably down to nerves, they didn't do a great gig and as a result was told by Michaels "Not to give up the day job". Thomas shook it off but it hit John hard, really hard, he always wanted to be good at what he did and he saw this as a really messed up opportunity. Luckily for John, Michaels was wrong. At that time though it didn't stop the hurt and doubt in John's head, luckily he got over it and carried on, and well the rest is history.

This week I have been knocked for six. I keep telling myself no one has died, I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and love in my life, however, I feel like shit.

About six weeks ago I had an email from a senior editor of a large publishing company in New York, saying they were a massive fan of John Candy, they had heard about my project and they wanted to chat on the phone. Now for a long time I had resigned myself to self publishing but this interest gave me a real shot in the arm, did I dare to dream? We spoke for around half an hour on the phone and I really liked this person, they were truly a fan of John's and that made me feel extremely comfortable with them. I sent them some work, they enjoyed it and agreed to sign a non disclosure agreement to read more, luckily my lovely friend and lawyer, Bill Govier jumped into action (thanks Bill), the NDA was signed and I sent more of my work. I waited and waited (well for as long as I could, I have no patience whatsoever), I had been told by other published friends that the editor would have to take it to an editorial meeting basically where Sales and Marketing look at the work and decide whether it's something they could sell. So this week I heard back, a very sweet rejection email stating that I shouldn't give up, they continued to enjoy my pages, they want a copy of it when it's finished, but it is basically a love letter to John and there is not enough nuance. Sigh. Thing is I did dream, I dreamt I was about to get a very experienced and well established editor and publishing house on board, that they would help me do John justice and that I could refund all the people who have pledged on crowdfunder. So guys it's back to the old plan and I am really sorry, I wish I was better, but I figure John is good enough for the both of us.

I'm now licking my wounds and acknowledging I need a much thicker skin, just like John I will carry on and hope I get a fraction of the success he did, mainly so I know I have done a good job for him. So I guess the message from this blog is, it's OK to dream, it's OK to feel sad when things don't work out but it's not OK to give up, so I'm down but never out.

Lots of love to you all and thanks for all your support as always

Tracey xx

PS John later featured on three episodes of SNL as a guest, he turned down the opportunity to become a regular on season six of the show in favor of staying on SCTV. Touche John, touche.